TIME

is good for many things...spaghetti sauce for example or a new job or a relationship. Kevin and I have been married for ten years now - how does time go that quickly?? Watch out newlyweds - soon enough you will be telling everyone to enjoy life because it goes so quickly! In a marriage - or any relationship for that matter - time changes things. Things are so exciting and new at the beginning and then the wear of life sets in. Yesterday ~ time was a good thing. Kevin just gets me. He knows what I can handle and what I can't - and he has learned to help me and compliment me in those areas instead of criticize me. For example, I have always been horrible at packing. For some reason, I am never done on time and I get stressed out to my eyeballs and usually cry for no apparent reason. I also hate flying on the small claustrophobic-type planes. So, Kevin totally took over - had almost all of the packing done 24 hours early - all of the cleaning - When we got on the plane, he was so gentle and encouraging and kissed me on my head asked how I was doing. That may sound so ridiculous to you - but he didn't say he was trying to help me out or do anything out of the norm - and I wasn't asking. See I try to do things on my own, but I really NEED him. It was just so obvious that he was paying extra special care to help me with the things I am not good at. Early in our marriage he may have gotten frustrated with me or exasperated (and I wouldn't blame him).

I am so thankful for the time we have been able to spend together and am looking forward to the future and how with time we will continue to grow and change together.

I hope to post vacation pictures by the end of the weekend...

Long time, no write...

I have been completely de-internetized! (Is that a word?) I haven't had access to the Internet since July 11 and won't really be able to write much until after the 26th, but I wanted to give a quick update on ME and MY FAMILY.

We have been away. So wonderfully away. It took a few days to remember how to relax and not be in that "I have to do it all" mode. We are in a beautiful condo basically on the sand with big windows opening to the expansive and gorgeous oceean. Within a few steps, we have seen many beautiful sunsets, dolphins, groups of manatee, a snake, many types of birds and fish...even a few cockroaches! Yikes! On a fifteen minute walk with Megan yesterday, I counted 53 little lizards.

We have done hours of swimming and resting and eating and exercising. Reading, talking, and listening. Cuddling and watching TV. Not a lot of DOING as far as going places and running around. It has been wonderful and healthy. I love staying longer than a week - it gives me enough time to learn to unwind and then to enjoy being unwound before getting all wound up again. (Does that make sense?)

My ever romantic and full of surprises husband wrote me a lovely song and had it arranged and recorded. I may provide a link to it when I get home - or you could email me if you want to listen. It is really wonderful. Just like him:). We just celebrated our tenth anniversary yesterday.

My brother got to hang out with us for a few days - has been great...except for the day I picked him up at the airport and drove him straight to the Urgent Care and then for cat scans, etc. It was a bit scary.

I can elaborate on these things when I have more time - and I can add pictures.

I have also decided to say NO on all working outside of the home for now - except for one specific small job for the school. Pray that I can stick to it. I have to say no to everything otherwise I can't set boudaries. My kids are TOO important for me to be so preoccupied with things that don't involve them. I want to give them as close to 100% as I can while they are home with me and young enough to be influenced. More on that later too:).

Much love -
AM

The Fog

...for me, it tends to follow "the bomb." After I had written about my grandmother the other day, I was surprised to see that my friend MommyZabs had just written about what she called "the bomb." It was exactly what I needed to hear. She starts off by writing:

We have all experienced them. Those moments where the bomb goes off in your life. When you are standing there living out normalcy and suddenly an explosion goes off that you never expected and your world is rocked.

And then goes on to talk about what do we do at that moment. I was sitting in Church later that morning thinking about "the fog." For me, that is what I feel like when I am in the midst of some type of crisis or tragedy. It is that point where everything seems really fuzzy. It is a confusion and deep sadness that clouds my thinking. In those moments I feel uncertainty and a heaviness. It reminds of of looking through the eyepiece on my camera and trying to focus the lens...but for some reason I can't seem to get it to focus on a single focal point. I can't see clearly what I am looking at...but I am trying so hard. There must be some type of obstacle or distraction that is making it hard to focus. Sometimes I need to change my vantage point.

In these hard situations if I lose sight of Christ and eternity, I am doomed. He is hope. He is my target, my focal point. He provides clarity and He lightens my load. He allows me to move forward and carry on everyday tasks that can seem overwhelming and impossible when I am in the fog.

When a pilot is flying in a storm, they often can't see anything from the cockpit. If they didn't trust their equipment and their air traffic controllers, they would panic and be in complete confusion. We also need to trust God when we are in our storms. He can already see what lies ahead and he promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us...nor will He give us more than we can handle.

So focus on this:

John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that whosoever believes in Him should have everlasting life."

John 16: 33 says "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Hebrews 12:1-3 says "Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

These songs have encouraging lyrics as well...and there are countless others.

Praise You in the Storm by Casting Crowns
Bring the Rain by MercyMe
I Will Lift by Eyes by Bebo Norman
I Still Believe in Your Faithfulness by Jeremy Camp

If you have a verse or song you would like to share, let me know.

Thanks for reading. I will pray for you along with myself that we can keep your focus on Him.

The Blues

UPDATE MONDAY 9:00 PM: Grandma's surgery was about 2.5 hours and she made it through. The doctor's said things went well and she was a trooper. She is in major pain and on lots of drugs that are causing some unusual behavior - so now we need to pray for recovery and pain management...Thanks for your prayers!














I am sad tonight. Just sad. I am truly not a depressing person to be around - but I know I blog about sad things some times. I just can't handle when people are hurting. It is too much for me. It hurts when it is someone I don't know - and more when someone I am close to - and so much more when it is someone I love.

My grandma who is 86 fell yesterday and got a pretty bad hip fracture. On Monday she will be having a hip pinning surgery. It is no secret that hip fractures in elderly people are not positive events. In fact, most studies show that 25-30% of all elderly people who suffer one die within the year. Previous to the fall, my grandmother's mobility wasn't very good. She suffers from bad arthritis - has had knee replacements, has a fractured vertebrae, etc. It has been really hard to see her in so much pain, constantly. She tries to remain positive but the pain is so deep at times, she just cries. She also has some heart issues and is on blood thinners and none are good for surgery. Not to mention the fact that surgery has been a concern to her since her mother died in a routine surgery at a young age.

Grandma and Grandpa don't live around here - about 10 hours away, and due to some other pressing family issues, we can't go visit at this time. My mother is traveling the trip by herself for the third time in six weeks and is already exhausted. She has four siblings and all but one of them are in Ireland on a family trip. It is surreal for me - just thinking that this could be her time. God could be calling her home. When I talk to her tomorrow, do I act like she is just having a routine operation and things are good - I don't want to be emotional, and it would be hard not to be. Death is inevitable for all of us - once. For some it is freeing - freedom from the pain of this life and the pains in our earthly bodies. But is is separation and that is hard. My grandmother is so kind and unselfish - she always has been. I wish I could take away her pain and make her feel better. She has told me that she is ready when the Lord is ready to take her. Thankfully, she is God's and she loves Him. Her husband does not - and I will continue to pray for him. They just moved from the house they have lived in for over 40 years 2 weeks ago. They have moved to a retirement home. That is already a lot to lose...Getting older is really not easy for me to grasp. That sounds silly I know. I am fully aware that what matters in life is eternal not the temporal. If you have a quick second - will you pray for peace for her and us? Will you pray that God will lead my grandfather to Him? Thank you.

AM

Parenting

I was in a Bible Study this year that was very different than any other I have participated in. There were a lot of rules. So many rules that I had declined the invitation for a few years prior to this one. I don't not like rules - I am a first child. I kind of like them to be honest. However, in this type of a setting, I am not extremely comfortable with restrictions on how to learn about and worship God and how to share that with others around me. Consequently, throughout the year I was able to see the purpose behind many of the rules. Over all, they allowed our learning to be maximized and the ultimate goal to be accomplished - glorifying God, learning from His Word, spending time with Him, fellowship, etc. I still don't like all of the rules - but I can at least appreciate them and see the difference they make.

When I was a teacher, I started off understanding the importance of rules, routines and discipline, but I didn't know exactly how to teach and enforce them. Teaching became much more enjoyable and less stressful once I improved in that area. And no - the kids didn't start not-liking me...Rather I think we gained a mutual respect for each other.

So, on to parenting. My husband and I are not really push-overs and we believe in discipline. Willful disobedience and disrespect are two non-tolerable offenses. BUT there are many areas of parenting that I think we have let slide. It is hard to find a balance between having fun and enjoying each other and using good manners or being civilized. For example, when we go shopping, I like for the kids to be able to look at things and try them out. That is what I do when I want to think about getting something new. Some parents won't let their kids touch anything. Now (thanks to me), shopping at times can be unbearable. The kids don't stay by my side, they were climbing in the tubs and toilets at Lowes, etc. I wonder - should I have serious rules and tell them they have to stand right by my side and not touch anything (that would be safer). But what about when we are trying to kill time and I want them to look at the toys. What about when we eat dinner at home or in a restaurant? Should they be forced to sit perfectly still (if that is possible - with some kids I don't think it is at a young age)? Should they use proper manners and not be silly or not play with their food? If so, can you ever break the rule? My Bible Study's rules only work because they are enforced 100% of the time. IT is hard to have a conversation at the dinner table with a 3 year old and 5 year old. They want to dip their food in their drinks and make funny noises, etc.

I have often thought we should take one day a week to practice scenarios. We all have better chances of succeeding in a task if we know the expectations first and have been able to practice. Let's take shopping for example - we practice at home first - then go to the store. They have to stay by my side and can't touch anything. They have to obey everything I say. I could score them as we went along (a star every time they follow the rules) - That sounds a little bit like dog training:) actually...I honestly don't know the answer. I want to have fun and let them be kids - but I want them to be respectful and responsible to.

Any ideas?